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The truth is, every day is another go on the rollercoaster.
I can’t believe it’s a third of the way through 2020 and this is the first post of the year on my blog. January and February disappeared in the blink of an eye, and as I sit here contemplating what to write, I’m finding it hard to reflect on what I’ve actually achieved so far.
Well, for starters: covid is over in the UK (or at least that’s what the government wants us to believe) – the focus is now on Ukraine- and brains everywhere are trying to deal with the barrage of negative news around every corner. It’s *too* much.
Between worrying about the state of Europe: what is, and what could be; I’ve started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). I’m not going to pretend to know exactly what this entails, and I’m trying to avoid falling down a Dr Google Rabbit Hole and starting to guess what could be and what is yet to come. It’s easier to stay switched off.
I guess switching off is my brains default setting lately. I’ve found it near impossible to focus on one individual task and it’s getting harder and harder to fight that urge. Crochet and knitting have been lesser and lesser, yet the urge to save more projects to my Ravelry queue is so strong.
I want to wear everything I haven’t made yet. There are so many ideas running around fighting to be at the forefront that I can’t make a coherent decision in my personal life, and once again my house is falling into disarray.
I’ve also finally given up. I’ve ordered a cane. Spurred on by the £25 gift voucher I won for Neo Walk sticks, I have invested in a mobility aid that I hope will help me in my daily quest for comfort. I’ve been working in a meeting room for the last 3 months that brings me so much physical pain from the fluorescent-lights-meet-uncomfortable-chair combination, that I go home wanting to tear my hair out while necking handfuls of paracetamol.
I miss working from home as often as I did during covid. I miss my knee pillows, my back pillows, having the extra hour in bed to sleep- because what no one realises is that being in pain is TIRING. Honestly, I can sleep for HOURS and still feel absolutely exhausted like I’ve been climbing mountains for the last few hours.
The truth is- I am. Every day is another mountain to climb. So whether my mobility aid is me giving up or giving in to a new challenge is something my brain and my psychologist need to determine- I’m hoping as a minimum saving grace that it means that the elderly ladies of the WI will give me a break asking me to set up chairs for them because I’m supposedly agile because of my age, and completely ignoring the fact that we have actively spoken about my disability.
In yarn-related news though: I’ve inherited a lot of stitch markers from the lovely Liz of Kopo.uk who unfortunately passed away last year. They’re mostly unfinished so while there’s some work involved from my side, I’m grateful to be carrying on this ladies legacy and unleashing her markers on their adventures around the world. You can find them here.
I also went to Wales with my lovely friend Charlotte, who’s recently started her own earring business. While we had our long week away, I felt rested and the change of scenery did me a whole world of good. It meant that I also ploughed through this Diaphanous Raglan by Jessie Maed, using yarn from my sister-from-another-mister Michelle.
The yarns I used were an undyed merino, held double with some silk and cashmere- and it makes for the softest sweater I’ve ever made- and I can feel more of them in my life.
I’ve also picked up a blanket that Charlotte and I (along with another one of our friends) have been working on for a colleague down in South Africa. It’s currently blocking on my living room floor, and the corner squares will be animal faces- those I’m debating cricuting on for added wow-factor.
Did I mention I’ve become a whizz with my Cricut? While there have been a few mis-measurements, I’ve supplied uniforms to my local pub, aprons to my WI chapter, and made myself a skirt which I plan on adding EVEN MORE red hearts to. No wonder the study is a mess!
The Cricut is somehow fulfilling my design urges because I can download so many ready made ones- that the completed assembly makes me feel like I’ve achieved something. The fact that it cuts so quickly means I get that instantaneous dopamine hit that my brain so desperately needs and it frees up space for other design work.
At this moment in time I’m designing a dress using my Castleview Advent Calendar, and while I’m tearing apart the last 16 rows of mohair in despair, I’m loving how it’s looking. I’m hoping I’ll be able to complete it and bask in all the happy hormones.
I’ve got some serotonin-boosting patterns listed here too if you want to take a look…
So while the first third of the year can be described as “meh”, I still have two thirds left that I plan on living through with a healthier mind and a few designs released.
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